by: Esther Omoye
Getting married is not just the problem anymore too but maintaining a happy relationship; and this is not just about avoiding the wrong kind of person or finding the right kind of person as it’s a cul-de-sac. It is not always easy knowing who is best for you when you don’t know how they will turn out in the future.
However, there are certain traits some women possess that give them away today. I know it is a cultural stereotype for women to have several kinds of men they don’t ever want to see themselves getting married to. But also just like women, men have some eccentric characteristics they look out for in a woman to make her suitable for marriage.
To avoid any contextual misconceptions, specifically Nigerian men in this case. It is no joke with Africans when it comes to getting married and especially to a “good woman.” In Nigeria, there’s a proverb that says; “A man who has found a good woman has done him and his kindred good.” It is a common belief here in Nigeria, that a woman is not married to her husband alone but to his whole household. It doesn’t worry me to say; this is why an average Nigerian man should have muttered the generic sentence “God forbid I no fit marry dis kain of woman” more than five times before actually meeting his type of woman if he is really serious about getting married and not just some wannabe woman wrappa.
Here are the 7 types of women, Nigerian men don’t want to marry anymore:
1. The Bitter Feminist
If the devil had an actual spawn? These women will be dragged to hell with an actual postcard saying “Drag me to hell”. The Bitter Feminist is on the top of the list of types of women, Nigerian men don’t ever want to get married to. In Nigeria, “Feminist” was a common insult. Women whom fell and falls under this category was described and is still described as “scorned,” “bitter” “Satan’s sister,” “bitter leaf,” “mad woman,” “Man hater,” “Old cargo,” “overachiever,” “Mrs independent,” “witch,” “stubborn,” “dreamer,” and “home wrecker”. They are detested by more than half of the male population in the country, no man wants anything to do with a “Bitter Nigerian feminist” when he could be in La Vida Loca with a well behaved, submissive and culturally ingrained Nigerian woman.
For years, identifying as feminist in Nigeria has been fraught and illogical. You’d be described as a crazed-wannabe-power-house-african-woman-who-had-lost-her-senses-in-either-reading-too-much-or-just-following-a-trend-you-know-nothing-or-little-about-and-just-needs-a-real-man-to-handle-all-of-her-issues-to-think-straight-again in one breath. The bitter feminist types have been accused of several things infamously; promoting promiscuity in women; creating an unnecessary upheaval in the social cultural construct (especially in a society ingrained in “hegemonic masculinity”), disrespecting cultural norms, creating a chokehold on patriarchy and introducing an impossible slurs of tenets to promote gender equality and protect womanhood.
The Bitter Feminist is a big No-No and a huge red flag for a Nigerian man; as she is the woman who doesn’t believe and follow the “head and neck” description of a husband and wife, who wants to work and have a successful career and not be a housewife, who wants her husband to see her as his equal, who wants her husband to assist in house chores without necessarily being asked, who will never ever tolerate just anything from her husband, expects him to be loyal and accountable for his actions, she is highly outspoken and wants to make as much decisions as her husband concerning her family. The Bitter Feminist is regarded as an highly illogical and the very worst type of woman to ever marry by Nigerian men. They’d rather bulge out their own eyes before they get attracted to one or even consider her for marriage.
2. The Two-timing Delilah
The Karishikas! Lord save their souls!! I don’t think there’s anywhere in the world, where cheating women are scorned more. A Nigerian man will never ever settle down for a cheating woman, even if she’s the one he loves or his also cheating; because duh, two wrongs can’t make a right and Nigerian men are genetically predisposed to cheat. He will never forgive her cheating acts when found out too. To a Nigerian man, a cheating woman is an ungrateful woman and there’s never a justifiable reason why a woman should ever cheat on them or even worst make them their “lover toy-boy” to a supposedly better man (a “Mugu aka ATM”) and even in reverse too.
No Nigerian man will ever accept that slap on the face! Being the “other man,” to be stringed alongside another man in a committal relationship is to be considered a Simp. A Nigerian man will never settle for a Delilah and if he does, he will question her value and desirability all through their marriage and shack her into the DNA joke alongside his friends, family members and anybody who cares enough to give two cents whenever things go bottom struck.
3. The Self-Entitled Woman
These are our “Folakes” the Netflix and chill babes. The ones whom Nigerian men make a “feminist” joke out of. The urgent 2k babes, the highly expensive first dates babes, the you have to buy me a new dress if I’m going out on a date with you babes, the there’s a new bag I want to buy babes, the my subscription is finished babes, the I booked a bolt ride to your place babes, the you’re not even my type kind of babes, the how much did you even spend on me babes.
These type of women unfortunately do not fall under the category of “being spoilt by their men”, rather they fall under the infamous catchphrase “It’s a give and take” world. These are the type of women that will drag the living hell out of their existence when they can no longer afford the lifestyle she wants to lead or they are no longer interested in throwing around money for a fickle moment and especially for a woman who thinks, their attraction to her is worth all of their life savings and investments. A Nigerian man would always be a maze runner for his attraction towards any type of woman. But will he ever settle for a Folake, or who knows?
4. The iPhone Series League Women
The Nigerian movie industry would ever consider adapting a spinoff of its 2000s smash hit “Blackberry Babes.” It will rightly be titled “iPhone Babes.” Trust me a little bit on this one; Nigeria is the “Big Apple City.” now.
When a woman from this league flashes her phone their way, it’s like a flaging semaphore! They take for their hills because she’s readily profiled as high maintenance “na iPhone dat babe dey use o“. To marry a woman from this league you’d have to be a millionaire and have tons of thousands to spare on gifting her a new iPhone as the series come and go.
These are the women, Nigerian men claim want nothing to do with you, if you can’t afford an iPhone or a newer series for them, the succubuses that stay back as long as you feed them right. It is claimed women in this league, can’t even afford themselves the phones if things were otherwise and just look for men whom readily make them the “it” girl by affording an iPhone that suits their every whim. An average Nigerian man detest women in this league, they see their demands as very frivolous and see the iPhone as just another ostentatious object that should not be possessed at cutthroat! “Shey I no know wetin I wan dey use money dey do?”
5. The Bone Straight League Girl
The Bone Straight is a type of raw, straight and firm hair that is thin, sleek, scanty and well knotted from the weft to the bottom. The straightness of the hair it’s why it is being referred to as “bone straight”.
The bone straight hair has caused so much ruckus in the Nigerian dating scene, with women allegedly breaking up with their men if they can’t afford one or afford a newer one. This has pencilled in more reasons why Nigerian men picked to cancel the bone straight geng from the list of women they’d ever consider getting married to. Though traditional protective styles have become acceptable to wear everyday but you can never tell a woman want to do with hair and taste.
Tiktok is just for the fun of it, but it seemed to have gone out of control for most Nigerian men who started showing disgust for the application and it’s popularity during the Silhouette challenge on the platform.
Nigerian men claimed women whom were involved in this challenge left nothing but digital footprints for their future kids to find and prospect husbands to be disappointed over. They also claimed all Nigerian women who were involved in the challenge, are unworthy to be called wives to respectable men or considered for marriage.
They didn’t stop there, they went on to describe any Nigerian woman active on Tiktok as indecent and jobless. They dragged the application for promoting promiscuity, a total waste of time and a hidden propaganda to shame women unknowingly. They claimed the platform had viral challenges for women which only had to do with dressing up, changing outfits, twerking or dancing provocatively to trendy songs and nothing else at all. They called it tasteless and also a decline in the budding radical femininity we claim to possess now “Feminism”? Do they even know what’s feminism one Twitter handler tweeted, Dis one dem no know anything, na follow go, follow come another handler replied.
It is no joke that being a famous or active Tiktoker is a red flag for some Nigerian men. Most Nigerian men have denounced the application over and over again on Twitter. Describing women there as irresponsible, jobless and lacking any sense of dignity, because all they do there are dance in thin outfits for unknown men just for likes and comments. A Nigerian man will never want to settle for an active or famous Tiktoker especially if she has those supposedly digital footprints around.
7.The Allegedly Typical Nigerian Woman without a Marrow of Reciprocity in her Full Fledged Body
Reciprocal actions differ from charitable actions in that reciprocal actions only follow from others initial actions, while selflessness is the unconditional act of social gift-giving without any hope or expectation of future positive responses. Or who knows? giving with very limited expectation or the potential for expectation of future reward.
The women in this category are what Nigerian men refer to as the “piggyvests,” the ones who’d take everything you offer them and even ask for more without ever being bothered slightly of what they give back! They’d save it all up. These are the takers and never the givers, and what makes this more appalling is that an average Nigerian man rules out that to nine times they’ve gifted women they’ve been in relationships with or married to they’ve not been gifted once or merely gifted the staple Nigeria male gift idea ” A pack of briefs” or are never treated out by their significant others or have their own cards maxed out on days their women decides to treat them.
Nigerian men see it as a Nigerian woman thing; popularly referred to as “The Stingy Nigerian Woman Syndrome.” a behavioural disorder that gives them so much comfortability to never ever reciprocate the men they are partnered with. It was just the month of Love and Twitter was on fire, as women received so many romantic gestures, expensive gifts, dinners and treats in several recorded videos but a very minimal number of men got the gesture reciprocated. Us women; real minimalists!
This sent Nigerian men tongues wagging and angry on how an average Nigerian woman would always want to collect and never give back(they deliberated if it was because of the cultural phenomenon that men are considered providers and so many women liberate themselves in this guise and see nothing wrong with taking from Adam and never giving back.) Even in marriage; she will save up all of your money to build herself a mansion and continue spending your earnings with you! one twitter handler tweeted. If I buy babe bone straight sha, she gat buy me wetin I want too, I carry her go Maldives, we no dey go Dubai na UK like Teni and Eazi another tweeted.
It seems most Nigerian men might be opposed to the idea of their wives keeping a corporate job but they are definitely not against the idea of their wives contributing even in the littlest ways or being treated out by their partners once in a while. Nigerian men definitely are on the lookout for such women and want nothing to do with a “stingy koko” anymore. A woman, who’s earnings are clogged to the pot like an okra! God forbid bad thing.
Esther Omoye is a third year student of English and Literature at the University of Benin. Her works has previously been published in Green Black Tales, My Woven Poetry, Vanguard Nigeria and forthcoming in Pink Plastic House Journal. She enjoys painting dreams and someday hope to be published in the Guardian.