By: Adedimeji Quayyim Abdul-Hafeez
As Lagos State Panel of Inquiry, wey Governor Babajide Sanwo-Olu set up, don release report wey dey confirm say Lekki Massacre be real tin, I don quickly code the wahala dis pipu don box inside carton. You be realist and patriot, you no see any dead bodi, so e be your right to deny anytin and everytin. Na dem forget say you get freedom to yarn anything na. You suppose stand gidigba; no dey allow one yeye report pour sand inside your garri. You be OG, I swear. And as the boss wey you be, nobody fit catch you unfresh.
You don sabi tey tey say me I be your gee wey get correct format, so I no fit allow you loose guard. How e go sound say influencer like you dey wrong? I wan give you tips, correct lamba wey go up your profile for street. Follow who sabi road, my broda.
You see ehn, for this country, na only scope fit put food for table. Shebi influencers dey curse people wey dey Lekki Massacre? You too hit them where dem go feel am. No be you kill Jesus, abeg. Na bad news fit sell for dis country, and as omo ologo wey you be, your season to cash out don arrive.
Wetin dis pipu no sabi be say, loyalty dey pay for end. See all these pipu wey dey chop appointment na, dem don tey for the game, and na game dey favour dem now. Be like Fani Kayode. Na pipu wey get beta for hand fit offer you beta o. Deny those panel reports oo, ehn ehn. Na dat be only way wey all dis politics pipu go dey wire you account small small, and all dis blog go dey proclaim your bravery.
Read Daily Trust
The format we I wan give you ehn, no be format wey everybody dey yarn for outside. You see ehn, na from name you suppose confirm tin wey dey original. How platform wey be Daily Trust, go dey give wrong OT? E no possible na. Dem sabi road, so na dem be real way. Na wetin Mustapha Bulama don realize be dat, na him dey make am draw nonsense cartoon (sorry, correct cartoon). Na that kain pipu fit give you the PR wey you need to blow. Small time lai dis, you don get blue tick for Twitter be dat.
Sheybi you tell dem say make dem no protest? You don cite all the gospels wey tok say make dem no revolt dat time na, na dem no wan gree na. Every bodi wey protest for dat Tollgate be Judas, except all the gees wey attend because of steady muzik, food wey get turkey, and opportuniti to see Davido. So, na their fault all those pipu die, and na dem get blood for hand. As omo ogbon, wen street don hot dat day, shey Instragram Live be next tin? Shior.
You see ehn, my Yoruba pipu get one powerful proverb wey dem dey use hold bodi. Dem tok say ram wey dey reverse, na power wey dey reserve he con bring. You get mental health, my broda, and no allow anybodi dey taint the glory wey you dey preserve. Na only online these pipu fit shout, and na Island dem dey always stay. You wey don sabi life lesson know say government go still deny am after evidence, and na winning side you dey always follow.
Go offline and let dem start to dey tag you. The time you go do comeback like dis ehn, transformer no go blow reach you. No be small small fights like dis go dey move you. You wey dey do extraordinary tins, shey na ordinary tins go move you? If e sure for dis pipu, make dem meet you for mainland, make we con settle everytin for arena.
If all dis format wey I don give you before con fail, use OT wey solid: accuse dem. Na dem change everytin, con make everytin look like say government dey at fault. Shebi na dis same pipu talk say Buhari be one Jubril from Sudan? No dey disturb yourself abegii. Dem dey always disturb government, con dey cause trouble for street. Make you defend government dey go.
Na all dis scope you fit use dey survive dis kasala, wey dis pipu dey disturb everybodi wit. Dem no see any evidence tender na, except that yeye report wey dey pour sand for mouth. You be advocate for truth and justice, so na your time to shine be dis. Follow who sabi road, my broda.
Adedimeji Quayyim Abdul-Hafeez is a creative, journalist and law enthusiast. He currently serves as the President of the Union of Campus Journalists and Students’ Union Bar Association, both at the University of Ilorin. He receives mails on firstname.lastname@example.org and directs the Ministry of Flex, Vibes and Creativity on Twitter via @quayyimbakr.