By: Sam Olakunori
I have recently learnt a few new words, which I never knew existed, while in isolation, thanks to the coronavirus (out)break. I will be sharing some here so you understand exactly what people mean when they use them.
Asymptomatic: adj, A word usually used as a defence, when you think you need rest from stress, esp. Covid-19 related stress.
Covid: n, A virus believed to be purposely sent by the gods to deal with the rich and those in the West. Poor people and those in deserted regions can’t be affected.
Covidiot: n, plural ~s, 1. A wise man, brilliant enough to know that Covid-19 does not exist is just a way to siphon money. 2. Someone who believes markets should be closed, while churches and mosques, the main sources of income, are opened first in relaxing the lockdown. 3. Someone who believes he can’t have coronavirus even if he dines and wines with nine people with confirmed cases.
Face Mask: n, A piece of material, usually cotton, used in protecting the jaws from being infected with Covid-19. It must be washed every week.
Front-line Health Workers: n, 1. People with a special type of face mask, sitting (or standing) in the same position everyday, while giving updates of things going on at the isolation centres. 2. A group of medical personnel treating infected persons for free as part of their service to humanity.
Lockdown: n, The act of not leaving your home but allowing people to visit you “for a small get-together” while you go live on Instagram.
Palliatives: n, Relief materials given to the public as a means of winning them to your side. The relief material can be a cup of rice and two seasoning cubes in a branded polythene. If cameras are absent, then it not a palliative.
PPE: n, Abbreviation for Private Protective Equipment; a polythene material used to cover the body, usually tied to one’s back with a piece of cloth. It is majorly used to protect one from Covid-19 and is only available to a few doctors.
Self-Isolation: n, the act of staying away from your official duties and focusing on personal motives for a particular period of time, usually 10 to 14 days. 2. It also means distancing oneself from friends and family, while you exert all your energy on social media.
Travel Ban: An economic tool used to increase the country’s wealth. Also the act of allowing those with money to travel as security operatives levy them. Those without money stay indoors and observe the ban.
Sam Olakunori’s tweets can be found @Sirmoen1.