The subtle art of begging

By: Maryam Olajide

The need to possess employability skills in Nigeria is not only necessary but of great benefit. Online courses are one of the ways of acquiring these skills. According to the Centre for the Study of the Economies of Africa, the labour market in Nigeria is characterised by a significant mismatch between skills demanded by employers and those possessed by young prospective workers. This means that merely having skills is not enough, but having the  right one.

The Nigerian Ministry of Finance, being a pace-setter, has taken advantage of the Udemy free online course to earn a certificate in Content-Begging and Fund Solicitation. These are some of top in-demand skills in the world right now.

Nigerian youth, however, are not only lazy but lack foresight. The only skills they have are Twitter-dragging and banters.

The goal of acquiring knowledge is to put it into practice, which was what led the Ministry of “F” to hunt for online ventilator giveaways by Elon Musk. This act is not only noble, but also commendable. Do Nigerians expect us to rely on the meagre donations from corporations and individuals? Asides that,  how well do they want us to display our certified begging skills? Through formal approaches? No now, that would ridicule our already built prestige.

Although Nigeria got at least N44 billion ($108 million) in donations from different billionaires and corporations for various forms of COVID-19 relief, these funds can never be enough, and it doesn’t matter whether we squander this money or not, it is important that we get as many ventilators as possible should the virus escalate. After that we can talk about embezzlement. Also, we have a lot of debts to settle, how else do you think we can meet up with the enormous oil price slash we gave you? You see, we have to think about Post-COVID too, being people of foresight, we’re trying to save these funds, so it doesn’t meet us unprepared.

Did you not see Ukraine, with a population of 37 million, lamenting that they have only 3500 ventilators, and are still begging for more? Nigeria with about 200 million, how many we get?

Begging is begging, please. Don’t stress us.

It is really unfair that you guys are criticising our approach; all these things we do are for your benefits. And, as patriotic Nigerians, it is important that you emulate our steps. Begging is a life-saving skill that everyone should acquire. If our ministry can opt for online giveaways, who are you not to hustle for one? So the next time you see Sinzu Spending tweet, “Drop your account number, let me bless you with something”, please, we beg you, do not hesitate to join.

But, unlike us, do not take down your tweet. Do not be intimidated or shamed by mere bants. To beg is human, to maintain your stance is divine.

Maryam Olajide is a Writer, Editor, Law Student and lover of all forms of art. She is passionate about volunteering to change societal causes. She can be reached on Instagram @_maryamm.o and Twitter @maryam_olajide.