Perish those Thoughts, Dear Nigerian Naira

By: Moghalu Chinwendum Jennifer

There was a time when you were a big deal that even the US Dollars had nothing on you. Naira, you had a good thing going, kai! I mean, apart from the fact that you are sprayed in the air like insecticide by the same persons who enacted laws prohibiting anyone from doing same (how else do you expect them to show the world that they have arrived, eh?). You are often crumpled and shoved into pockets and bags; often found in the waste bin, torn and rejected. No wonder the Nigerian economy came down with depression – who can handle the amount of rejection you have had to handle since the start of your existence. In fact, the only time I have ever seen you not crumpled is when you slide out through the ATM or I make an over-the-counter withdrawal. Well, who is to blame? You did sell yourself short. Deal with it.

Poor Naira! I’m sending you lots of love and light because I know that even though you go about like you do not give a hoot about your current situation, under the surface, you secretly think that one day you will take your place again in the world, regain your respect and chill with the big boys (or currencies). If you do nurse those thoughts, though, do perish them. It will never happen!

One has got to dream realistic dreams! You are hoping for the impossible. Come on Naira, have you not seen your state? You are trampled upon during occasions ,you stink and you are often used as a writing scroll. Do not let these motivational speakers deceive you, dear. It is all over for you.

Can we talk about the elephant in the room? Naira, you are valueless! The more your value reduces, the more our exceedingly insightful leaders and statesmen, God bless their souls, reach and implement decisions to devalue you some more. What do you expect from them, eh? When your mates were hustling to remain relevant, what were you doing? Now, three thousand units of you cannot make a good pot of egwusi soup at the very least and you still do nurse unrealistic dreams? Tufiakwa! 

Your plight is hopeless, dear Nigerian Naira. Even the Ghanaian Cedi, Ethiopian Birr and Kenyan Shilling have topped you on the money league table! You no dey shame? The Five and Ten Naira note-denominations are the worst. They are not even regarded as money any longer, because they could not even purchase any tangible commodity. They are on life support and will soon go extinct.

Do not get your hopes up. It is all over for you. When your buddy, the Kobo,was taking blows ,you should have taken a hint. You took a sabbatical and now you seek to top the currency table. Just tell me how this makes sense.

Your glory is irredeemable, dear Nigerian Naira. Our leaders, our earthly saviours, solemnly having our best interests in mind, would always implement policies to devalue you. Don’t mind ole Charlie Soludo with his “Soludoic” solutions. E think say e dey wise. During his leadership at the Central Bank, when he contemplated revaluation of you, who was he trying to impress? After all, Kingsley Moghalu still believes that a weaker currency is better for an economy that wants to be competitive in the international market. They say that the Chinese Yen passed through and today, the currency is strong in international financial markets. Learn, Naira, learn!

But Naira, no matter how much you might be devalued, your worth shall always be deemed overvalued. When exactly would we have the strong-economy-through-devaluation theory be achieved this our Naija? Let me make it clear to you. You are just a plaything to the forces of the international market. Everybody knows that for a country that heavily relies on importation of necessities like food and petroleum, devaluation of our currency will most likely not favour us.

We have chosen poverty, exorbitantly high cost of living, unemployment, inflation and its attendant vices over crowning you with value. Yes, instead of diversifying the Nigerian economy and increasing production of goods and services so that the GDP will improve, we would continue to treat you with scorn and mockery. Who you epp? You do not deserve value; know this and know peace.

Moghalu Chinwendum Jennifer is currently an undergraduate of law in Nnamdi Azikiwe University Awka, who daydreams about taking a vacation in Seoul and thinks fried rice and chicken is overrated. She receives correspondence via her email address cmoghalu44@gmail.com and her WhatsApp contact:+2348162893264.