May Nigeria never happen to you

By: Adebayo AbdulRahman Adedayo

The name ‘Nigeria’ was coined by Flora Lugard, a journalist and the wife of one the great and reportedly selfless colonial masters who, against our will, helped exploit our natural resources for the benefit of their country and our… no, again their country.

In what would, later on, become a remarkably unremarkable moment in the history of our great nation, the word ‘Nigeria’ became the string that would hold together the Northern and Southern protectorates.

Fast forward several years of fast-backward development, this country is now regarded as a great and formidable one that is a force to reckon with in the comity of underdeveloped nations globally.  

But when I pray or urge you to pray that ‘may Nigeria never happen to you’, you might be wondering what I mean considering the fact that I did not deny the intimidating attributes of a country so great it’s citizens want to leave and not live in.

However, the problem is if Nigeria should happen to you, after series of marathon-like prayers you will technically defeat your enemies; yet they would continue to deliver onto you soft bomb-like blows that would ensure you keep visiting foreign hospitals like Mr President.

See, If Nigeria should happen to you, you would have the best result in an examination but a simple VAR review by the supreme cult would ensure the individual who finished fourth is announced winner.

Are you confused? Obviously not, because an attempt at self-defence against cows and cow(ard)s would in a cheetah-like speed earn you the word ‘illegality’ in a state where those who arrest police are allegedly ‘legal’.

Wait for it: If Nigeria should happen to you, your father would keep visiting the United States of America for the slightest headache, but he will emphasise that irrespective of how ill you are you must not go beyond the United States of Abule-Egba in the search for a cure to your ailment — in order to save some token for national development and increase the rate of underdevelopment in the country.

If you are still not confused about why you should pray for Nigeria not to happen to you, then you need to know that if it should happen, you will be like that noisy son of ‘Yele who keeps yelling about the poor state of his country by fighting in the interest of the masses against those who are pilfering their commonwealth, yet the same masses have come out en masse to hurl at him fatal blows, rain on him abusive words, and express their disinterest in his populist interests.

So fellow Nigerians, in a bid to ensure we don’t suffer from any of the great attributes of the word ‘Nigeria’, we must ensure that we keep praying to the Almighty that may Nigeria never happen to us.

In fact, anytime we pray for our dear country, we must remember to pray that ‘may Nigeria never happen to Nigeria’ because if that should happen, we would end up having a president who is allegedly controlled by cabals and a populace that believes there is a lot of difference between the father of change and the powerful son of good-luck.