LAW 101: Introduction to being an ideal law student

By: SHUTTI, Ridwanullah Olaitan

COURSE OUTLINE:

• Dressing
• Speech
• General conducts towards non-law students.

BRIEF INTRODUCTION

This course is one that is vital and germane to your “existence” as a law student, especially during your stay at the university. The aim is to introduce ye gentlemen in skirts and trousers (there is no woman at the bar) to acts, deeds and behaviours expected of you during your stay on campus. It is, however, worthy of note that as important as this course is, most law faculties do not include it in their syllabi. Hence, out of the writer’s magnanimity, he has decided to take you all through the rudiments of this course.

DRESSING

Generally, in law faculties throughout the federation, you’re expected to dress in the customary “black and white” i.e. white shirts and black trousers. Now, here is a life-hack: your admission into a law faculty is an opportunity to improve your fashion sense. Be a “fashionista”.  For the guys, put on blazers and suits in flashy colors. Bow ties are a great choice. Foot wears of all types are also allowed. Sneakers, flats, shoes, sandals, and even flip-flops. Yes, you read it right.

For the ladies, dress to kill! Slay. Paint the town red. Make your hair in any style you deem fit. Make use of colorful wigs and attachments.

Feel free to appear in your respective law faculties in any type of the type of dressing you deem it fit, YOU ARE A LAWYER (TO-BE)!

SPEECH

Once you accept the offer to study law in any university, your mode and manner of speech must change. Ensure that you do way with your “local” accents and inculcate the habit of speaking with either the American or British accent. Fake it if you have to. In fact, your pronunciations need not be correct. I’m sure many of you have watched How to get away with murder and you all appreciate how Annalise’s interns speak.

The first thing you should learn in the faculty are legal maxims. Maxims are usually in Latin. An example is ‘Nemo dat quod non habet’. In law, maxims can be likened to the proverbial palm oil with which words are eaten. You need not understand nor know the meaning of the maxims. Spice your words with them, especially when you are in the midst of non-law students. Make sure to keep them in the dark during conversations with them. This is to guarantee and increase their respects for you.

CONDUCT TOWARDS NON-LAW STUDENTS

This is the most important aspect of the course. How do you relate with students from other faculties? You must note that once you resume as a student of law, you have transcended the realms of ordinary studentship. You are now demi-gods. You are lords over non-law students. Make it a habit to walk as if you’ve boils in your armpits.

Whenever you have to attend lectures with students from other faculties, on no account should you mix nor interact with them. Divide the class into two equal halves. Even where there are vacant seats among non-law students and there are none among law students, do not attempt to sit with those persona non grata. Doing so will expose you to ridicule. More so, you’ve got to separate the chaff from the wheat.

Whenever you have to deal with non-law students, treat them as the inferior folks they are. In case you don’t know, in any standard university, there are usually two courses only – Law and others. Always wear a frown on your face whenever you have to speak to them. Always remind them of the fact that you are not their mates. And, if as a guy, you meet a new babe and want to introduce yourself, you must find a way of sneaking “Law student” into the first sentence. Believe me, she’s bound to blush herself to stupor.

Law is the noblest of all professions. God forbid the day law students will drag the good profession into the mud by maintaining cordial relationships with students of other faculties, regardless of the fact that they are your prospective clients.

CONCLUSION

Students are enjoined to take this course seriously as it is one of the “foundation courses” that will shape their stay on campus.

Caveat: This write-up is meant to be sarcastic and satirical. Students from other departments are strongly implored and enjoined not to take the content seriously.

The writer is a 300 level student of law at the Better by far University. He has interests in law, journalism and creative writing. He can be reached on the bird-app via @ajani_shutti.