Hushdaddy Magu, don’t leave us, sir.

By: Olamide Francis

Kudos to Mr. President on his fight against corruption. Our crusade has just achieved another milestone. The EFCC boss and grand pursuer of all corrupt people — from the most minimal of yahoo boys to corruption ancestors at Aso Rock — was pampered and escorted into the DSS office for inspection and fatherly advice. They want to know how he made it. How he’s residing in a N40 million mansion without any labour. Is EFCC job that lucrative? If yes, let me apply, abeg.

Amidst other questions their naive officers need answers to, the DSS also needs some advice on how he was able to transfer funds abroad via a third party. For only he can do these things, and there is no one like him. No. Don’t say the bush meat has caught the hunter. Say the bush meat volunteered to enter the hunter’s pot.

If not that his recent actions cannot be classified as corruption, I would have feared that he has COVID-19, since he once told us that corruption is the cause of Coronavirus. An assertion my learned colleague stood by, twice.

I hope Hushdaddy can put DSS through one or two things on how to move stuff, especially currencies, from Nigeria to oversea. Nigerians will also like to know how he was able to multiply his income to make him afford all those luxuries. Hushdaddy, don’t leave us, sir. We need some wisdom.

I hope those who still think that Mr. President isn’t fighting corruption can now see that the campaign against corruption is stronger than ever. Except those that eyes are paining. Abi is there any other way to describe it? Since you people have started reading the dictionary upside down.

Corruption has taken a new meaning since 2015. Every available statistic on corruption and transparency has really been in favour of Nigeria since the inception of this administration. If it was not so, the international community will not have accorded us the respect of separately searching us when we reach the point of entry in other countries because of the good things they’ve heard about our zero tolerance for corruption.

Bro, I’m tired. Gimme my change let me alight from this ‘corruption-fighting’ bus. I’m not fighting again. Is it rocket science? How many lives does corruption even have? It is the same sermon Mr. President has been preaching since 1983? Why is he so obsessed with corruption? Are they relatives? When will it die sef? Abeg, let me drop. I leave the change for you people jare.