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The Inspector

How to die well in Nigeria

How to die well in Nigeria

To be a good citizen of your country, you need to learn from Nigeria. A country where its citizens expose and criticise her politicians and government officials while alive and venerate them at their demise.

To die well in Nigeria, you need to have lived an infamous life. And, to achieve this, first be a politician or hold a public office. Do not be a public or civil servant as the office may imply but endeavour to rule rather than serve. For rulership is for the strong, while service is for the weak and gullible. Make sure abuse sets in, trample on the poor, and lie to them.

Conceal the military ruler, serve the wicked with utmost loyalty. Ignore posterity that does not exist; neither should you acknowledge the role of karma for that is but a myth. Live your moment; after all, you have got only one life to live. Spend public funds, squander them on side chicks and luxurious outings; at least, you feed from where you work. No one will blame you.

And when you are called out on social media, insult those bad bellied folks who know nothing about being wealthy, those naysayers who are hungry and just venting in jealousy and envy towards your respectable self.

This is how to live well, so that when you die, the wise populace who while you were alive called you a sinner will end up calling you a saint, as they will come to a revelation of how holy you lived and would blame death for taking a good man.

There will be video footage over all social media platforms of your grand burial ceremony. It does not matter if many died of the same virus that killed you. Who cares about them. You lived well, better than they did. You held a public office and you served well, obeying to the latter all the earlier stated requirements for living; so you deserve it.

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