How do we appease the general?

By: Ajíbádé Abdullah Adéwálé

With the situation of things, the General needs to be appeased with six kegs of palm oil and an unblemished female dog, with fresh palm wine.

Wait! But the citizens of this country are ingrates. After all that the kindhearted general has done for them, they had to provoke him to such an extent that Jack, a non-citizen and an innocent man, would have to stretch his back and appreciate the favorable lashes of the General.

Well, now that they have gotten the General angry, he has started communicating in the language they understand; a language even the deaf can hear. Who will help them appease the General? They brought this upon themselves!

By the way, I wonder why the citizens of this country would step on the toes of the General when he has fulfilled 99.9 per cent of his promises and still vows to do more.

The media keeps promoting untrue events to stain the photoshopped image of the General. Why would they lie that kidnappers and terrorists are on a rampage when the General is keenly doing everything to put a stop to it in the language the kidnappers and terrorists understand?

They are blind to the fact that kidnapping has reduced drastically and terrorists have willingly left the country. They even donated their weapons to aid the security agencies of the country in their fight against protesters. Why have they chosen not to report this act of patriotism?

One dollar is now equal to one Naira. The improvements of the healthcare sector have made the General not to travel to receive treatment abroad unlike many other presidents. Through the money being distributed in markets across the country, many of the market women now have shelters. And the poverty rate of the country has dropped to the barest. All these, among other positive developments, yet the citizens of this country do not give the General the accolades he deserves. What else do they want?

Many of them are even calling for the resignation of the General. This gets me laughing. Where has it occurred that a “General” resigns, not to talk of a progress-oriented general?

Well, their actions have gotten the General angry, and he is communicating in the language they understand. Should you not be aware, the General is a polyglot who treats each situation with a distinct language.

Now that he is angry, how will they appease him?

Perhaps we can go for the chief priest’s suggestion by getting six kegs of palm oil, an unblemished female dog, and fresh palm wine. If it doesn’t work, the General will have to continue ruling beyond the next election. Fortunately, he is a kindhearted man and the people may not even want him to leave.

Ajíbádé Abdullah Adéwálé, with the pseudonym Ogbeni pentalk, is a poet and writer from Nigeria. He believes in the saying, “The truth must be told and it must be told at all time.”