With every year comes new resolutions where individuals declare actions, attitudes, behaviours which they intend to forgo and name the new principles, values, among others which they intend to uphold in the new year.
Distinguished President of the Kalakuta Republic has led the tradition of declaring resolutions for this year.
The resolutions were announced at a press conference held on New Year’s Day where the President welcomed the citizens of the republic to the new year.
Speaking at the event, the President prayed that there will be no revolutionary protests and Twitter wars in the new year.
He also urged the people to be well-behaved since “there will be no need for arrests if everyone is silent when things go wrong”.
He added that “we need to be in our best behaviour in this new year so that our foreign brothers and sisters from the US of A will not continue to send us letters of caution”.
Concluding his New Year’s address, the President declared his new year resolutions.
He said, “In the spirit of sober reflection that accompanies the new year, I have also compiled my lists of new year resolutions. These will guide me throughout the new year and will be my driving principles.”
“I will not be saying all of my resolutions because some are personal but the top two are: I have finally resolved to stand down in 2023 and I will obey court orders when I deem fit,” he said.
“Oh! I will also be returning my wife to Daura instead of the other room. Enough of alleging that some cabal is controlling me. This one is not a resolution but an exigency,” he concluded.