Master sir, master sir, there are no mass killings in Nigeria
Massacres or genocides, nothing is happening in my country. In fact, I get so bored with the nothingness, I vacation every other month. Will I lie to you?
On the kindness of Trump and the concern of Nigeria’s government
When people from the Middle Belt and the North Central complained, the political dogs accused them of attacking the President politically. Today, these same dogs are screaming that both Muslims and Christians are being killed. Wow, I thought the killings were political propaganda.
A message from the camp director
We are glad to see that so many of you could make it. About ten or twenty of you were kidnapped on their way here, but their parents are already busy gathering the ransom, so there is nothing to be scared of. That’s why we keep telling them to fly rather than drive, but some people prefer the road scenery to their lives. Shameful.
NYSC doesn’t pay ransoms, but you have nothing to worry about
Do not hold your breath for the Army or any of the numerous special forces we have either. Military intervention, like all things in Nigeria, can only be accessed through premium citizenship. Your surname does not ring a bell, so good luck.