People like to say just take your time but I’ve come to understand that what they actually mean is better know what you’re doing o, because if you’re not at the top of your game by 25, society starts side-eyeing you like you have committed an abomination. You must not only have your life figured out but it must be figured out with finesse. There must be proof and packaging, and if it is not posted, how will we know that God has done it for you?
Remember when we were kids and wanted to be astronauts, poets, or zookeepers? Adorable. But now you’re expected to work in tech, run a skincare brand on the side, do fitness content before dawn, eat only quinoa and kale, drink matcha, and be deeply spiritual, but in a trendy, non-religious way.
It starts immediately after university graduation. You are not allowed to be confused because confusion is for unserious people. You must find a high-paying job, even if the only work experience you have is editing your friends’ CVs and making Canva flyers for your cousin’s catering business.
While you’re looking for this job, society gently reminds you that you should also “start something of your own.” It doesn’t really matter what the business is. It could be fashion, food, makeup, importing kitchen tools, or selling scented candles; just start something. Even if it doesn’t make money, at least it makes content.
And gone are the days when one job was enough. You need five streams of income, or at least pretend like you have them. Your friends are trading crypto, reselling perfumes, editing videos, managing a food blog, and still showing up to brunch with perfect eyebrows.
Looking good is no longer a choice, it is a requirement. Your skin must glow, your edges must be laid, and your clothes must say rich auntie even if you borrowed urgent 50k last week. But you must also act like you don’t try too hard. Let the glow appear effortless. If someone compliments you, laugh and say, “It’s just water and minding my business.”
If you actually admit to using three different serums and watching YouTube skincare routines at midnight, you’ve already failed.
If you’re single at 26, don’t worry. Everyone else will worry for you. They will ask questions like, “So, who is the lucky guy?” or “Don’t worry, your time will come,” even when you didn’t ask for their opinion, because apparently, being single is no longer a relationship status; it is a cry for help.
When you finally enter a relationship, it must be aesthetic. Your partner must be tall, well-dressed, emotionally mature, and financially stable, but also deeply obsessed with you in a soft, healthy, camera-friendly way. If your love story doesn’t look good in pictures, is it even real?
Above all, you must be happy. All the time. If you’re sad, don’t show it; people might say you’re negative. If you’re overwhelmed, just call it a down moment. Do some yoga, light a candle, write gratitude in your journal and keep it moving.
No one wants to hear about how your plans failed or how your mental health is struggling. That kind of honesty makes people uncomfortable. Just smile, take a selfie, and post “living my best life”, even if you cried yourself to sleep last night.
But don’t worry, things will be fine. Just make sure you wake up at 5 am, drink warm water with lemon, post a quote about purpose, build your brand, attend your friend’s bridal shower, try not to cry in public, take a selfie with “natural light,” send a CV to a company that won’t reply, look pretty, stay kind, get closer to God, and marry rich.
After all, life is not that hard; you just need to have it all.
Fatima Boyi Mahuta is a final-year Mass Communication student, a writer, an avid reader, and a lover of all things art. You can follow her on Instagram at @Fateemaah____ and on Twitter at @Fatima_Mahutaa.
