It is very easy for us women to get distracted by the men around us.
I am not ashamed to admit that even I had fallen many times into the trap that is manhood. Men think they are just existing and doing their own thing in public, but that is far from the truth. Every woman would tell you that she almost drove into a school bus looking at a handsome man jogging down the street. Men are simply too handsome and distracting to be ignored; it’s impossible to see a random man on the street as a woman without picturing them naked.
Sometimes, even when I am with my husband, I find myself getting lost in the eyes of the random man at the shop, even when he is going out of his way to evade mine. Sometimes, I have to try really hard not to stare too long at my secretary and my other male subordinates at work. It is really tough to be a woman in this society. You have to constantly try hard not to be a creep or sexually harass the men around you, because even making slight comments can be turned into something big.
Gone are the days when you could casually comment on your young, hot colleague’s washboard abs or how well his trousers sit on his waist. To touch them and comment about the softness of their butt is now considered an offence. It’s as if the existence of men in public spaces is costing us our freedom.
Don’t get me wrong, I love being able to wink at the hot male shop attendant or try to flirt with my male nurse. But the risk seems to be too much. One, our husbands are very prone to jealousy. You can’t even ogle a random man on the street for more than five minutes before they start to lose it.
Another thing is this whole conversation on sexual harassment and respecting men that this generation is so obsessed with. Everywhere you turn at work, there are seminars stopping women from being women. What’s wrong if I stare too long at my secretary’s chest or make subtle sexual comments about how I think he may be in bed. So, what if I ask him what he did with his girlfriend over the weekend or if he is really as shy as he looks? So, what if I make comments on things I imagine he could do with his pretty little mouth and ask for obviously subtle sexual favours?
It really makes one wonder if the existence of men in public spaces serves any purpose since we are constantly being controlled and bullied into interacting unnaturally with them. I am all for the personal freedom of men, but women are wired to see every one of them as a piece of candy, we should at least have a sample taste of. Someone is going to taste them anyway. It’s simple biology.
Understanding how a woman’s mind works is exactly why I am against my husband existing in public spaces. I allow my husband minimal time outside. Even when he asks to go to a boy’s night out, I rarely agree. If he wants to see his friends, he should invite them over. I really don’t want other women ogling my man the way I ogle other men.
I also have a strict no female friends policy. It’s not like I don’t trust my husband; it’s other women and the world I don’t trust. Women do not just befriend any man. They only befriend men they find attractive and want to sleep with. I know because that is why I always befriend younger men but will never be caught dead being friends with other women their age. But that is also strictly because men mature faster than women.
With that knowledge, I cannot stand the idea of my precious husband hanging around women who are probably imagining him naked as they talk or hang out, and I urge other women to act accordingly. Don’t let any woman deceive you into thinking that they are genuinely interested in hanging out with your husband, out of pure vibes and friendship. We all know men are not that interesting. It reflects badly on you as a woman to allow your husband to exist however he wants in public spaces.
I wonder what goes through women’s heads when I see them allowing their husbands to exist so publicly on social media, wearing whatever they want. You will see a supposed respectable woman standing beside her man, who is only wearing a singlet. As women, we need to guard our men jealously. Even though they look like grown adults, who are also left with the responsibility of doing the social, mental and emotional labour in our relationships, they are still just men. Which means they are incapable of making even simple decisions for themselves or knowing how to properly show up in the world as men.
I urge women to do their jobs as the caretakers and providers of their families and make sure to constantly control how their men appear in public spaces. There is no point calling yourself a woman if you can’t even do something so fundamental and simple, such as controlling your man and keeping him in check. Not to mention, most women cannot control themselves and can easily lose all senses at the sight of another woman’s man, and can you really blame them?
Before the Meninists reading this try to come for my neck, I am not a misandrist. I am a woman who observes and is brutally honest about the state of our world. Yes, maybe men should be allowed to exist in certain aspects of the public space, but I would always discourage really taking centre stage, not because men are not capable, but also because most women are creeps.
That is why, as a mother to boys, I get angry and bothered when any girl comes too close to my son, even though my eldest son is just 10. The idea of women and their depravity, even from a young age, makes me weary, and sometimes I find myself dry-eyed at night, lamenting about a future where someone would come and try to take my sons away from me. Those creepy girls who are probably not raised well.
I know I also argue that not all women are the same, but when it comes to the men in my life, all women are the same, including girls, and I can’t risk it. Should men keep existing in public spaces? Not really, maybe in roles where they are really needed, like when I need a trad husband influencer to tell my husband that there is nothing possibly more important than me and my needs and every other lifestyle is not as fulfilling, or in the roles that men appear in to soften my eyes, such as being a secretary or salesman.
I also think men can exist publicly in helper roles. We see it with politicians all the time. Having your husband just standing a few feet behind you, highlighting his role in your life, can really make you appear more feminine and in control. So yes, I am not totally against men existing in public spaces, but for our wisdom and sanity, I think most men are only better off being seen when we need or want them to.
Dear men, this is not an obstacle to your freedom. When you look at it logically, you will see that it’s for your own good and for the good of the general society. Don’t let anyone convince you otherwise. The more strongly we hold on to our natural purpose, the better society we build for ourselves and our children.
And for women, be safe out there. Women’s lives are being ruined just for acting naturally or existing when men are allowed to pollute public spaces.
Hauwa Saleh Abubakar is a Nigerian writer, poet and journalist. Her work has appeared in Lolwe, Ake Review, The Weight of Years: An Afroanthology of Creative Nonfiction, Agbowo, Punocracy and more. She has a poetry chapbook in the 2025 New Generation African Poetry Chapbook Series titled ‘Undone’. Hauwa is the founder of an organic tea brand, Maimah’s Cup of Wonders, and is currently a journalist with HumAngle Media. She considers herself an accidental lawyer and aims to make people feel something with her works.
