From Our Allies

Nigeria: A satire | John Chizoba Vincent 

We are taking count of dead bodies in the streets. Those are the result of well-fed people. Those that saw a surplus of food and decided to kill themselves with it. Don’t mind them. Those dead bodies by our doorsteps are just fools who thought too much wine won’t harm them. The wine you brought for them to celebrate your already won 2019 election, they drank before the party started and killed themselves. Remember your Excellency that when a child that doesn’t know how to make money gets money from his father, he can’t control himself anymore.

From Our Allies

Kano launches first Centre for Covidiocy and Intervirus Relations 

It will be recalled that the state’s youth had earlier made a call to the Kano government to create a safe space for covidiots in Nigeria. They even went on to make online protests through videos where they washed their hands into bowls and drank the water to show their allegiance to covidiocy. The state government, as one that listens to its people and makes sure to satisfy their needs in every way and manner, finally decided to grant this special request.

Lamentations of an Egbere

Open letter: A courageous Almajiri queries President Buhari 

I am sure that you are aware that your state governors have found us a nuisance to be decisively dealt with. We have suddenly become unfit to remain in those states. Since cattle business no longer thrives at the moment, trailers used in conveying cattle are now being used to farm us out of the respective states. After all, we are regarded as being only a bit better than maalu.

Lamentations of an Egbere

Deaths in the city: What’s gwan inna this our Kano? 

When COVID-19 stepped on the much-chronicled city of Kano, inhabitants treated it like any other Chinese export or visitor. A troupe of traditional singers and dancers was sent to welcome it amidst jubilation and fanfare. No kobo was spent from the state’s coffers; they have Gandollar’s dollars to thank for that. A novelty football game tagged “Corona Match” was held in honour of the guest of honour. There, Social-Distancing and Stay-Home orders were defiled before, during, and after the game.

From Our Allies

Bring Back Our Mondays (#BBOM)! 

Gradually, we have lost our sense of days. Today, like yesterday, is another Saturday. We shall eat rice, surf the Internet, talk with a few friends, and sleep like we did in previous Saturdays. The regular Saturday aura isn’t even appropriate anymore to describe our mood these days. We will just continue to live and pay no attention to the calendar on the wall.

From Our Allies

How to get the Kogi COVID-19 app 

A few days ago, Gov. Yahaya Bello told us of his incredible effort and first-of-its-kind approach to ensure the people of Kogi are marked safe from COVID-19. The most interesting thing in that interview with Channels television was the announcement of a software application that will help Kogi people monitor their COVID-19 status by themselves. This is highly commendable.