Of bent knees and straight polls
This is a reality that goes beyond politics but extends to education, health, entertainment and every other sector. In saner climes, however, an applaudable development is when a previously sophisticated process is made easy, but you must understand that when God cursed Adam that he would sweat before putting food on the table, he allotted that to his Nigerian descendants and gave his other favourable qualities to the abroad.
It’s hard to impress a Nigerian, except your name is Seyi Makinde
That’s not all? You guys should wait, I’m hearing something about the Oyo State 2020 budget. HE DID WHAT? Allotted 22.3 per cent of the state budget to education alone? That’s hitting the UNESCO benchmark nah; it’s unbelievable. What is this man trying to do na? Is it that he doesn’t want a second term or what? If you end up educating the entire Oyo State in your first four years, how then do you intend to win re-election in 2023?
The VP’s Dictionary: Abroad, lawmaker, poverty, and 38 other words
5. Bail: (n) 1. A ransom paid to police officers by a captive to secure his release. 2. The release of a defendant from police custody following an application from the defendant themself or a law court; subject to presidential oversight, the security agency has full discretion over whether or not to grant this application.
Buhairy buys new toilet called ‘Rule of Law’, says he enjoys shitting on it
Explaining the president’s strange toilet hobbies to the T.A. Report, presidential spokesman Garuba Shior said, since the new acquisition, Buhairy has spent more time in the restroom than he has in his office or even his (otherwise highly cherished) other room.
Man to Martyr: The ‘Soworape’ of the Rule of Law.
Umu Nigeria, Freedom is not free, the press can’t be allowed to report freely because their owners are either enemies of the government or potential enemies, people like Sowore and co. The people do not deserve a collective power because they don’t know what they want. If you don’t know that N30,000 is more than enough to sustain a family of six for over a month, how then do you know what is good for you?
Hate Speech: I am the Law, and the Law shall not be mocked!
It is the year 2022… The social media bill has been passed into law, Twitter has become a ghost town… Only users with VPN access to mask their IP address…
Dear Aunty Aisha, please stand still. Stop confusing the thunder.
I logged on Twitter to see your name trending. I was excited that our matron was back at giving the cabal their usual dose of gbas and gbos, only for me to get the shocker of my life. I don’t know what surprised me the most, that you were making references to China or that you were encouraging those small boys in the Senate to take away our social media that has saved your marriage more times than a therapist.
Divided we stand, divided we fall
You think these people are not working hard? I laugh. If they worked hard to give you a good economy, good-paying jobs, and a minimum wage of N100,000, how then will you be able to sell your vote for N2,000? This is why they work hard to keep you poor, so that poverty will, in turn, have you work for them too. You think you’re the only one who read The Richest Man In Babylon?
Satire 0-1 News: Missing INEC staff, Sowore may be knocked down if released, and other stories
Facts are oftentimes stranger than fiction just as news is oftentimes more hilarious than satire. We live in a world (or country?) where journalists have, without intending it, become greater…
Bubu congratulates Hayaya Bail-Low on reelection, urges him to owe 48 months salaries
“Mr Governor, I urge you to develop their sufferings and glorify their poverty. That is one cornerstone of our party’s policies – domesticating poverty massively and celebrating corrupt officials, willful abuse of court orders and rape of the nation’s constitution. 38 months of unpaid salaries are just the tip of the iceberg. Owe them 48 months.”
UI rusticates Character, unveils plan to build Institute for ‘Budget Padding’ Studies
When asked if he thinks he could lead the institution, he interjected: Why not? “My mischievous credentials, professional qualifications in deflating gra-gra and over 30 years impertinence to due process in the academia give me an unequaled edge among my contemporaries in the corrupt world to lead the NUC,” Olayyinka said.