World Satire Day: Punocracy awards prize winners, holds webinar
The platform had earlier announced the winners of the prize, which was judged by Elnathan John, a Germany-based Nigerian author of satirical blockbuster, Be(com)ing Nigerian; and Chuma Nwokolo, a lawyer, publisher and author who wrote, among others, The Ghost of Sani Abacha.
Five lessons I picked from paintballing
When a paintball bullet hit me, I forgot for about 76 seconds, how to feel anything. My arm went limp, and my gun dropped. Theatrically, gravity failed me, and my body followed. I was moving between two defence points when the bullet hit me. At that moment, I understood why the girl I emptied a magazine on kept on screaming after every shot hit her. You do not get used to this pain; you become helpless in the face of it. Avoid this pain by staying unborn.
“We grow by looting”: Replying a Nigerian in Diaspora
Nigerian politics is a race into the banquet hall. In there, the biggest attraction is the much storied national cake. One’s ability to loot it well and in a clever manner is considered first before such strengths as: the Nigerian god one’s credo professes belief in, the Nigerian ethnicity that your tribal marks associates you with, the political party in whose jersey you are vying for a slot into the banquet hall and the dog-father cheering you in the dog-race to the banquet hall.
The law-abiding CCTV camera
According to insider reports, the CCTV cameras suddenly stopped working at 8 pm in observance of the curfew imposed by the government. He said, “Our cameras at the Lekki toll gate have a high sense of moral duty which includes obeying the laws of the land. It is not unprecedented that the cameras refused to work on the night of the curfew. How do you truly give your all for a country if you don’t obey all her rules?”
End SARS campaign and its many dramatic interludes
The good people of Jos were amazing and kind people, they only took the palliatives and left the land. The state of harmony was almost disharmonised, actually the devil should be blamed. After the discovery of their own palliatives ware-house, Lucifer took the complexion of a shopping mall and other companies. He completely seduced the innocent people.
Nigerian gets kidnapped abroad. Nigerians react on behalf of govt.
From setting up a committee to blaming the victim for being reckless, Nigerians have predicted with hilariously sorrowful accuracy how their government would likely react to one of the country’s citizens getting abducted by criminals in a foreign country, say Libya.
Hypocrisy’s new book about Nigeria becomes a best-seller
“I have traveled around the world before settling in Nigeria because the people here are very pleasant. When I came, I had no influence, no wealth and no children, but now, I have many wives across the country. The book is about my time in Nigeria, and it is a very special tribute.”
What happens when a Nigerian is kidnapped in a foreign country | Brian Dennis
Day 12: Embassy hasn’t done anything so family comes on Twitter to tweet that Nigerian is missing and embassy isn’t helping.
US Forces rescue ONE American hostage, Nigerian Military leaves WhatsApp group
The general, while addressing Pressmen on Sunday, described the SEAL Team Six operation as a sheer wanton wastage of US tax payers’ resources and has since called on the armed forces of other countries to equally condemn their action.
Hoodlums hijack Palliatives Ultimate Search (PUS) 2020
Some call them hoodlums (probably because they’re from the hood). Others see them as miscreants and thugs. There is no denying the fact that these opportunists are risking their lives, damning the consequences in the process and helping themselves to as much palliatives as possible.
#BoJexit: Blood of Jesus flees Nigeria, relocates to Canada
“I have been enduring this for decades and I have honestly been trying to cope, when Nigerians buy a new car, they cover it with the blood of Jesus, when they build a new house, they cover it with the blood of Jesus, when they start a business, they cover it with the blood of Jesus, when they are going on a Journey they cover it with the blood of Jesus, when they are investing in a Ponzi Scheme, they cover it with the blood of Jesus, even their lives are covered with the blood of Jesus!
Dictator(ship) dey disguise: On Buhari’s address to Nigerians
The past four days have been trying times. The country has been visibly shaken by the deliberate shooting of peaceful protesters in Lekki. This calculated malevolence has brought tears to many eyes, birthed fear, and squeezed sympathy from more foreigners. Even Beyonce finally donated food, what we needed the most. A silver lining may have been the discovery of a CA-COVID warehouse and the distribution of the hoarded resources on behalf of the government.
Buari’s speech on Lekki Massacre still being edited
The presidency has asked Nigerians to be patient for the part II of Mahmud Buari’s speech to the country on the End SARS campaign, explaining that the section containing his position on the Lekki Massacre and other key issues is still with the video editor.