From Our Allies

To Love a Nigerian Witch 

If you send a Nigerian witch a romantic message or poem, do not assume she has read it. Even if she has, she will pretend she hasn’t because such gestures don’t impress her. Same applies to dinner dates and flowers. The only romantic gesture you can offer that she will enjoy is when you go bankrupt in your attempt to make her feel good. Anything other than this and you are merely wasting your time.

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From Our Allies

We should all be Buharists 

Our religion is focused on ensuring multi-sectorial failure, war against progressive economic policies, cattle and normadic affairs, and entertaining insecurity and terrorist integration. These are the agenda Buhari has dedicated the last six years to achieving. It is the first time a sitting president will centre these four major areas of concern.

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From Our Allies

Why we should make Prof. Osinbajo president 

If only one thing is more important than voting Prof. Osibanjo President, it’s getting my PVC – Permanent Voters Card. The Electoral Act is incomplete until there is a provision that accords one more multiple votes according to how stressful the process of getting the said PVC was. Honestly, I do not see why I will go through all that wahala, sit through the sun and stand in the rain, just for the franchise, to cast one vote, a vote I can’t sell for up to N10,000, especially as this one wey things dey cost.

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From Our Allies

Of societal norms that hold a handful of water 

Never, I repeat, never should you act because actions come naturally to you. Never should you count hanging your hands like you have a bag strapped on it as a reflex. Never should you swing your arms or snap your fingers when you talk (even though it’s ingrained in you and you can’t help it). Let’s not even go near the bizarre act of batting your eyelids. Don’t be dumb.

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