Becoming a Nigerian parent
The first rule on how to be a good parent in Nigeria is to marry as many men/women as possible in noble poverty. No one will question you. You don’t even need to cut your clothing according to your size. Your minimum wage monthly salary will rise, like ‘garri ijebu’, as you forcefully bring the innocent children to this earth to enjoy the ever-flourishing life in Nigeria with you.
Dear misogynists (and the closet ones too)
It is so unfair that there is an advocacy for the equality of both genders—particularly the female gender—in all areas of life. Why should women who have long been given the highest honour of being in charge of certain important matters pertaining to the kitchen and childbearing suddenly want more from life? How dare they demand the right to be seen and treated as equals? Such an ungrateful lot!
“Clearly, you gentlemen representing your districts on this issue are full of impassioned grit and steely determination. I can see all of us are ready to truly solve this err…..err…..thing. Very commendable. Although I would love nothing more but to listen to you all, our one hour is however almost up. If there is no other issue err… Shall we adjourn?”
#NotAllMen: A guide on how to decimate Twitter feminists
Are you a man? Are you tired of feminists? Most especially tired of twitter feminists? Do they rope all men together to drive an agenda? I am sure you know the word, ‘agenda’ is rife on Twitter. The latest phrases are ‘agenda people’ and ‘agenda people must agend.’
How to be a Nigerian parent
Now that you are a parent, discard every pet name you called your spouse before the arrival of your first child. How can you be calling your husband by his first name after you have made him a father? Do you want people to question the paternity of the child? Daddy Bola would be better.
Danfo: What it is
A Danfo is a clumsy tailored commercial shuttle popularly identified by its yellow Colour and black stripes. It is widely associated with Lagos, a cosmopolitan city and it ranges from four seaters to six seaters depending on the size of the bus.
Being a virtuous lady
“A woman must have a thorough knowledge of music, singing, drawing, dancing, and the modern languages, to deserve the word [“accomplished”]; and besides all this, she must possess a certain something in her air and manner of walking, the tone of her voice, her address and expressions or the word will be but half-deserved.”
The legal way to do yahoo yahoo in Nigeria
Before you start jotting things down, understand that when I am talking about Yahoo Yahoo in Nigeria, I am not talking about the riff-raffs who depend on $25 iTunes or Amazon gift cards from one John Doe in Casablanca or those who use $1 million to buy a Morris Minor – one car like that from the future. I am also not talking about the ones who end up in the garden of SARS and bribe their way out with N10,000. Never, not those small fishes wriggling in the ocean.