Copycatting is an endemic feature of an African who lives in Africa. And when you engage yourself with this African style of inauthenticity, let it be the western style that you will copy. Forget the west humiliated us with colonialism and some of them said “Africans cannot think” and forget that that means we don’t have our own pre-existing ways of doing things before they discovered Africa.

1. Do not keep your clothes smart to your body: You see, ironing clothes, starching them or putting necessary gators on your shirts/trousers are time wasters and, trust me, you wouldn’t want to waste your precious time on things that wouldn’t showcase the level of your erudition.

Except members of your immediate family, the rest are witches and wizards. Their foods are forbidden for you, so are cash and material gifts from them. In the event that you are cornered and have no choice than to except gifts from them, make sure to give them to your mother for effective and thorough cleansing and safe-keeping, as the case may be.

You must be able to convince your clients on why they must pay an inspection fee before you take them to a house – whether they would like it or not. If the rooms of the house are small, magnify them with your mouth. Tell them the rooms will get bigger as they live in it. If the toilets or bathroom is like a cubicle, tell them that’s the trend and, if it was any bigger, they might mistake it for a room.

First, you need to reserve the highest grade for immortals, like Jesus, Allah, Sango, Amadioha, or any deity you worship. Mortals shouldn’t get an A. It can be only over your dead body. You didn’t get A’s in some courses during your time, what makes the students think they are better than you?

My city has taught me that greatness demands sacrifice. Do not be scared, you don’t need blood and rituals. You sacrifice money! In the city, you (must) buy a bunch of bananas for a thousand naira. A plate of food for 50,000 naira, a bottle of water for half that price.